Sunday, April 5, 2009

Freefalling


There is nothing like rappelling into ice cold murky water to wake you up out of a daze. It seems that ever since the Match, I've been in an excessively reflective mood - perhaps because a major life event, the culmination of eight years of education and a student existence, is coming to an end. Or, maybe, it is that I've begun the process of redefining myself as a professional.

I imagine that eventually there has to be a break from fourth year medical student persona to responsible physician. As is my nature, I decided to take it upon myself prematurely rather than sometime midway through intern year when you've appropriately acquired enough experience to redefine yourself through new skills, relationships, and patient responsibilities. For me, this took the shape of defriending people on facebook that were no longer central to my life (why should they be privy to my updates, if they would never pick up the phone and call?), booking a trip back home, and becoming a silent observer of the people around me. Perhaps, I thought, by reflecting on what I did and did not like about my friends I could realize what kind of self improvement I could practice. It turns out I just realized how different I was than a lot of the people I spend my time with. After the pretense of studying and "school stress" becomes passe, you learn quite a bit about other students in your class. Sometimes, it's not a very welcome discovery either.

Part of the thrill about moving to a new location and meeting a new set of friends lies in the intriguing possibility of redefining who you are. People no longer have preconceived notions and you can "become" the person you wish to be. Perhaps I would like to be a person that my cointerns can trust with their problems, will want to share a beer with in their freetime, and is outgoing, approachable, and fun. I'd like to hope that this is only an upgrade of my current state and not a new program alltogether.

Anyway, I went rappelling with a group of friends this weekend and it woke me up out of my stuporous state of reflection. We camped overnight near the entrance of the hiking trail at a site that required the ability to truly rough it. The bushes became bathrooms and the brush fuel for the fire. A couple of grilled chicken sausages and bottles of beer later it felt like the best idea ever. The weather was playing along too; it was just cold enough to want a sleeping bag and warm enough to enjoy the breeze. I went to sleep satisfied that I could enjoy the simple things in life and had made a good set of friends in four years time. I wanted to be sad to leave by graduation and I finally realized that despite the sometimes difficult times, I would be losing a lot of close friends in two months time.

In the middle of the night I felt something pressing against my soles and woke up. It turned out to be a prairie fox with huge pointy ears and a long tail looking curiously into my tent. I must have been in quite a daze because I simply pulled in my feet and continued sleeping. Sometimes it surprises me what I will sacrifice to get a good night of sleep. The next morning a close friend of mind no longer had a sandal. I wonder who made away with it?

We cleaned up camp and headed to the hiking trail where we met our three guides. At this point it hit me that maybe what we were doing wasn't quite as harmless as I had imagined. Why would 14 perfectly able young med students need this many guides to go rappelling? It turns out there is a lot of setup and spotting necessary to rappel safely and we could never have managed on our own even with the appropriate equipment. A couple of awkward warm up exercises later (don't ask me why we had to sprint back and forth in preparation of an 8 hour hike) we were finally set to leave. Part of me didn't want to believe it when they informed us that everything we had with us would get wet. Little did I know that we would be rappelling directly into pools of water and there was no way of evading full immersion.

The hike was beautiful. The mountains were bare of anything but the rare bush and yet the white polished surface of rock alongside the gulleys was quite a site to behold. There had been floods only two weeks before, so we were assured that the murky water was actually "fresher" than usual and we didn't need to worry. The first release of the safety rope and backward propulsion into the water was everything but easy. You're never quite ready to let the rope go knowing what awaits you below. The water was icy cold and it took a second to regain my breath and yet there was a sense of accomplishment on having enough courage to let go and make it to the embankment. The thrill of those final minutes of rappelling and being suspended in midair - many times without a secure foothold - was worth the shock of the cold water and downtime between descents. I could make a metaphor about the leap of faith when going into the specialty of Emergency Medicine, but I'm going to spare you the cliche.

By the end of the day, we were tired out, exhausted but happy. It was definitely a fun trip that made you proud at the end of the day that your nerves didn't get the better of you and you held your own. It's times like these that I'm so grateful to be evading a desk job for the rest of my life. Thank God for shift work and the many random day trips that will follow...

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